Thank Tina Fey and the Mean Girls reboot for inspiring this recipe. In one scene, the principal announces the cafeteria special on the school intercom, a vegetarian sloppy Joe called a “Confident Joanne.” We scoured the internet for written documentation and can confidently say, “The recipe does not exist.”
So! Here we present to you a Confident Joanne made with our veggie protein of the moment, textured vegetable protein. TVP is a plant-based player that’s been around since the 1960s. The name is a pinch unappealing, but let us assure the TVP newbs that there’s nothing scary here. This OG veggie protein is made from soybean flour that’s been pressure-cooked and dehydrated. It can do pretty much everything the Beyonds and Impossibles of the world can, and is high in fiber and protein (13 grams per ¼ cup). Plus it’s shelf-stable and cheap: A 12-ounce bag costs less than five bucks and, once rehydrated, makes more than 2 pounds’ worth of “meat.”
Where TVP isn’t a heavy hitter is in the flavor department. What’s it taste like? Honestly, not a whole lot, but think of it like a sponge that swells up and absorbs whatever you add to it. That’s why TVP is best suited to saucier dishes like Bolognese or chili, or this recipe. Typically, the soy granules would need to be rehydrated before cooking, but this dish demands a good simmer in a pot of sauce, so we can skip that step—allowing this it to come together in a perfectly tidy 30 minutes.
Confident Joannes
Yield: 4 sandwiches
Ingredients:
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 1 small onion, finely chopped
- 1 small green bell pepper, finely chopped
- 2 garlic cloves, grated
- ½ teaspoon kosher salt
- ½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
- 1 tablespoon chili powder
- 1 teaspoon onion powder
- 1 cup vegetable stock, plus more as needed
- 1 15-ounce can tomato purée
- ¼ cup ketchup
- 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce or liquid aminos
- 1 tablespoon molasses or brown sugar
- 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
- 1 ½ cups TVP granules
- Hot sauce, to taste (optional)
- 4 hamburger buns, lightly toasted
Procedure:
- Heat oil in a large skillet over medium. Add onion, bell pepper, and garlic and cook until soft, 6 to 8 minutes, stirring constantly. Add salt, pepper, chili powder, and onion powder and cook for another minute, stirring, until fragrant.
- Add vegetable stock, tomato purée, ketchup, Worcestershire, molasses, mustard, and TVP. Bring to a simmer and cook, stirring, until thick and saucy, like a ragu, 8 to 10 minutes. If it starts to get stodgy, add more broth to loosen things up. While that cooks, go ahead and toast your hamburger buns.
- Taste and season with more salt and pepper, if necessary, and hot sauce to taste.
- To serve, spoon about 1 cup of filling onto each bun. Store leftovers in the fridge for up to 4 days.
Notes and Substitutions:
- Seek out TVP granules, like these from Bob’s Red Mill, rather than chunks for this recipe.
- FYI, Worcestershire sauce contains anchovy paste. If you prefer to avoid fish, plant-based versions exist, but you can substitute with liquid aminos for a similar savory/umami boost.
